Hassan, S. (2013)

Hassan, S. (2013). Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults, and Beliefs. Simon & Schuster.

- Destructive influence is never 100% because it cannot erase a person's authentic self. - The individual will leave the group. It is only a matter of how soon and how easily. - Real love is stronger than conditional love. - People want to be free and know the truth. - Everything in life can be used as a learning experience. - Cult behavior is predictable. - Cults don't deliver what they promise. - Change and growth are inevitable." - Be curious, yet concerned. - Be a good listener. Show that you know that you don't know everything. - Act within your sphere of control. Don't waste your emotions on things you can't change. - Strive for gradual, cumulative progress. Don't just go for the knock-out punch. - Work to improve your communication skills. - Do the best you can with the resources you have." - "Goal one: Build rapport and trust. - Goal two: Gather information about the pre-cult self, cult self, and the authentic self. - Goal three: Plant seeds of doubt that may get the member to question his involvement. - Goal four: Use mini-interactions that will help motivate the cult member to leave." - Write down what you don't like about your loved one's involvement with this group. - On general principle, what bothers you about it? - What specific behavior is objectionable? - Make a chronological list of concerns. Are they escalating as time goes by? - Prioritize your list. Which three concerns are most important? - Make a list of uncharacteristic behaviors. - Assess whether communicating a specific concern will be effective or ineffective, and concentrate on the effective." - Rigidity, stubbornness, arrogance, embarassment - Hopelessness, panic, hysteria - Criticism and judgment (I'm right, you're wrong) - Anti-spirituality or at least anti-awe of Nature" ( (81) "In the SIA, we help each person take care of his own issues and concerns first. Why is this so important? It may sound trite, but it is true: we cannot really help othes until we help ourselves." - "Values and beliefs - Sibling issues - Addiction - Religious beliefs - Anxiety and stress control"
 * (xvii) "The Strategic Interactive Approach (SIA) ... promotes a family-centered, non-coercive course of action."
 * (xviii) "The SIA is designed to help the cult member recognize that he has been under influence of the group and eventually, to recognize the pervasiveness of the group's control over his life."
 * (xviii) "This goal-oriented communication course is not meant to replace professional guidance."
 * (xviii) "My approach is based on the belief that growth is an essential part of the human experience. ... there are basic universal needs that transcend the physical. People want a positive sense of identity and a positive connection with others."
 * (xix) "Cults are on the rise for many reasons. Among the most fundamental is the breakdown of families and communities, and the growing sense that our society is in disarray. Economic factors play a role. A large and growing segment of the world's population is poor, while a relatively small elite controls an ever-increasing share of the world's resources."
 * (xix) "As people become disenchanted and separated from the culture that nurtured them, they seek answers in fringe groups of all types, from fanatical religious sects to militia groups. Computers have taken this phenomenon to the next level."
 * (3) "In essence, a destructive cult is an authoritarian group headed by a group of people with near-complete control. ... A group becomes destructive when its leader actively uses such power to deceive members and to rob them of their individuality."
 * (3) "Cult influence is designed to disrupt a person's authentic identity and replace it by a new identity."
 * (23) BITE-model: [Festinger] "control of behavior, control of thoughts, and control of emotions" ... "control of information".
 * (28) "Behavioral control is the regulation of a person's physical environment (habitat, companions, food, sleep) and conduct (tasks, rituals, other activities)."
 * (29) "By compartmentalizing information, cults keep members from seeing the big picture. ... Insider doctrines are reserved for people who are thoroughly indoctrinated. In this way, any assessment is delayed until the recruit's critical judgment is impaired. Information control may involve blocking critical or negative points of view. ... Members spy on one another and report improper activities or comments".
 * (30) "Many cults have their own loaded language, coded symbols and expressions, including buzz words, cliches, and platitudes."
 * (30) "Cult members are taught that the leader is always correct. Disillusionment is the fault of the member. Meditation or prayer, used in an automatic way, can turn off critical thinking. Through a technique called thought-stopping, these reactions are programmed to kick in mechanically whenever the member feels doubt, anxiety, or uncertainty." [See also: Habits can be created]
 * (29) "A cult's doctrine is seen as absolute truth, the only answer to a member's problems."
 * (31) "Cults gain control over members' emotions by keeping them off-balance. One the one hand, cults make people feel special by showering them with praise (a practice called love-bombing). On the other hand, cults manipulate members to create dependency. Anger, homesickness, and jealousy are labeled selfish. Members are expected to always to always think of the group, and never to feel for themselves. After the love and idealism, the cult world fills with fear ... Fear binds members to the group; members become paranoid or phobic."
 * (32) "In a destructive cult or controlling relationship, the locus of control shifts to the person in "power." The recruit abdicates his ability to make decisions. A pseudo-identity is created which suppresses the authentic self and surrenders control. Individuality is submerged, and free will subverted."
 * (34) The three stages of gaining control of the mind: "Unfreezing"; "Changing", (35) "Refreezing".
 * (36) Cult members' personality moves towards Myerss-Briggs': "Extrovert, Sensing, Feeling, Judging".
 * (39) "The first step in the SIA is to promote change and encourage growth in the family as well as in the cult member."
 * (40) The SIA creates opportunities and options by drawing on the resources, skills, and knowledge of everyone involved. Friends and family make progress one step at a time through mini-interactions - phone calls, letters, emails, or face-to-face visits."
 * (41) "Deprogramming involves abduction or forced detention."
 * (44) "In addition to trauma deprogramming has other drawbacks." Illegal. "Most importantly with deprogramming, power and control are placed in the hands of an external authority figure. Deprogramming does not typically involve counseling family members, so it doesn't address the damage done to them by the cult experience. Nor does it adequately prepare them for follow-up care. The experience often leaves scars that can take years to heal, if in fact they ever do."
 * "... exit counseling is non-coercive and legal. When handled properly, it employs finesse, not force. It is respectful of the person's free will. Participation is voluntary."
 * (45) "Even when successful, the results of exit counseling are often less than optimal. The method doesn't take into account the problems that may have existed before the cult involvement and which may persist. It doesn't deal with psychological issues in the cult member or in the family. There is little room to customize the approach and address underlying issues."
 * (45) "In most traditional exit counseling and deprogramming cases, the cult identity is submerged, but left intact. The pre-cult identity assumes control, but the cult identity is not fully absorbed and integrated into the new post-cult self."
 * (45) The SIA differs from exist counseling in its emphasis on the process of change. We learn how to identify factors that make people more vulnerable to destructive influence, such as family tension, unresolved sexual issues, or pre-existing phobias. We create a model of the authentic self that was cultivated for recruitment into the cult identity. This helps us relate to the cult identity and helps us identify and encourage aspects of the cult self that are worth keeping. The focus of the SIA is on the growth of the family and support network as well as the cult member. Family members and friends are asked to participate in each step of the process, improving their communication skills and enhancing self-awareness. Team members are given tools to attend to their own emotional needs and overcome problems such as phobias or addiction. When each family member is responsible for growth and change, the cult member's perspective changes. Instead of, I'm the victim, and everyone is here to help me, it's: We're a family and everybody is growing and learning."
 * (46) "Necessary beliefs
 * (46) "Necessary attitudes:
 * (46) "The SIA helps family and friends shift from an emotion-based form of communication to a goal-oriented style."
 * (47)
 * (47) "Team members learn to interact with each other in a positive fashion. If one person says something hurtful, I encourage the individual who was hurt to suggest a more constructive response. Each interaction is an opportunity to assess what does and doesn't work."
 * (47) "Process-oriented goals move us from a rigid to a flexible state. We find positive, constructive ways to express our concerns."
 * (48) The SIA creates wave after wave of feedback and analysis. Over time, family, relatives, and friends consciously adopt thid style of communication. ... After each action, we evaluate the response. ... With every interaction, think of ways to amplify the positives and minimize the negatives."
 * (49) "The Strategic Interactive Approach takes time and hard work. It also takes inspiration, motivation, creativity, improvisation, flexibility, humor, passion, and commitment."
 * (49) "The SIA provides a safe environment where building trust is the goal."
 * (51) "there are three primary reasons why intelligent, educated people with stable backgrounds are drawn to cults. First, there is a pervasive lack of awareness about cults and destructive influence. ... Second, very common life situations make people vulnerable to influence and possible recruitment. ... [Separation of parents; end of a relationship; death of a loved one, loss of a job, graduation, moving to a new location] ... Situational vulnerabilities occur in everyone's life. Finally, some individuals have psychological profiles that make recruitment easier. Research shows that all of us are susceptible to / social influence. Experiments show that people are easily and deeply affected by the roles they play in society, and will alter their behavior accordingly. But, in addition, individuals who are not given to critical thinking are easier targets. People-pleasers who seek approval are more vulnerable to peer pressure exerted by cult recruiters. Individuals with good concentration and vivid imagination are more susceptible to hypnotic suggestion. People with various mental or physical handicaps are more easily drawn in but, on the other hand, cults tend to avoid individuals who are seriously ill or challenged. They want people who will be assets, no strings attached."
 * (52) "The more independent a person is, financially and physically, the less controlled he is by the cult."
 * (54) "A new cult member who is in the honeymoon phase will typically be harder to convince to leave sine he has mostly positive associations with the group. ... Long-term members are actually sometimes much easier to help, since they have already experienced many lies, contradictions, and letdowns."
 * (55) Pre-cult self. Relations. Strengths and weaknesses.
 * (55) Cult identity.
 * (56) Evaluate the destructive potential of the cult.
 * (60) To do
 * (64) "Friends and family members who are motivated by love will find their resources are limitless when they work together."
 * (77)"Attitudes that undermine success
 * (81) "Every family has its emotional baggage, issues, and perhaps even a skeleton or two in its history. It comes with being human."
 * (98) Self-assessment
 * (99) "To truly connect with the impacted person, you must understand who is influencing him. If it is a group, both its doctrine - what its members believe - and its tactics - how it makes them believe are important."
 * (112) ",,, I believe that cult members suffer from a dissociative disorder which causes them to vacillate between the authentic identity and the cult identity. When dealing with a cult member, be sensitive to the difference between the two identities."
 * (112) "Cults use significant parts of the pre-cult or authentic identity to create the cult identity. In particular, cults tend to focus on elements of the psyche formed early in childhood. ... They encourage their members to psychologically regress to a time when they were not capable of thinking critically, when whatever they were told was not subject to conscious evaluation or rebuttal."
 * (116) "Rather than discarding the entire cult identity, we attempt to create a new, post-cult identity that incorporates the most valuable and healthy parts of the pre-cult, cult, and authentic identities."
 * (117) "Perhaps the best way to counteract thought-stopping techniques (chanting, praying, speaking in tongues) is to avoid triggering them in the first place."
 * (119) "As much as cult indoctrination attempts to suppress and destroy the authentic identity, it never completely succeeds. There are too many experiences, too many positive memories that don't disappear. The cult tries to bury these reference points and submerge the person's past. Yet, over time, pre-cult self seeks ways to regain its freedom."
 * (121) "Share feelings and perceptions, not judgments"
 * (123) "The thrust of my approach is to meet the participants where they "are" in their own unique reality."
 * (124) "Build bridges to life outside the cult"
 * (127) "Only say and do those things that enhance your relationship and assist the cult member to act independently."
 * (131) "I recommend a non-confrontational curious, yet concerned attitude, and close attention to non-verbal communication: Smile. Speak in a calm, friendly tone. Touch te person, or at least shake hands. Give your loved one a hug."
 * (139) "Team members should learn to recognize whether their loved one is in a cult mode or not. If he is warm and friendly, bring up positive pre-cult memories, tell jokes, discuss other family and friends. If he's hostile, arrogant, or defensive, change the subject or end the conversation."
 * (148) "In order for a person to regain his or her freedom, they must overcome their phobias."
 * (154) "A common first step in installing a phobia is to introduce the cult member to enter an altered state of consciousness, or trance. In such a state, the conscious mind is side-stepped and information is accepted with little or no critical evaluation."
 * (156) "Converts are encouraged to reveal detailed information about their past - particularly any traumatic event or psychological disorder. Cult leaders can then activate old phobias or create new ones."
 * (158) "The three-step phobia intervention can be summarized as follows: Step one The cult member is told what a phobia is, how it differs from a legitimate fear, and its potential impact. Using examples of different phobias, you explain how a cure is possible. / Step two You explain how other destructive groups or people deliberately install phobias to control people. You provide several examples of cult phobias, and ask the cult member what he thinks of these other groups. ... Step three Finally, you discuss the specifics of your loved one's relationship or group. Once the person sees that his situation - like the other groups you discussed - involves phobia indoctrination, much of the hold will loosen."
 * (168) "Meeting together [with an FOM consultant] to truly share information and experiences and explore family dynamics is a huge step forward."
 * (173) "Find out what attracted him to the cult"
 * (175) "Plant doubt with hypothetical questions"
 * (183) "By asking your loved one to discuss his intentions, you help him develop a filter for evaluating his reality - in particular, his actions and their outcomes."
 * (186) "Unlike role-playing, where you are stepping into the cult member's shoes, you are asking him to step into your shoes, so that he will see from your perspective."
 * (189) "A productive strategy is to use cult ideologies and behaviors to see if the group practices its own ideals."
 * (192) The main focus of the Strategic Intervention [sic] is to inspire the family and other Team members to do mini-interactions, building rapport and trust and "tuning in" to help the loved one. It is hoped that the individual will want to seek out information - talk with former members, do research on the Internet and, ideally meet qualified professionals. It would be fantastic if your loved one simply decided to leave the group after a series of successful mini-interactions, leaving no need for a formal intervention, and this does sometimes happen"
 * (219) "The goal of an SIA intervention is to provide information and perspectives that were not previously available to the member; to promote informed choice; to enable him to re-evaluate his commitment and make his own decision."